Sunday, 3 April 2016

The Encounter- Jane's Pain

When you live long enough you'll realize that things never remain the same and i was reminded when i saw my highschool crush once again, and thoughts of the good old days clouded my brains.

Reminiscing on the days we spent lunch time together as we planned our future days. Those were my first dates
Now im hoping her looks and frame still makes me go insane with thoughts of us fucking in santropey
I need to refrain. Cus this is not a story of how i scored a babe.
She lost her way, started snorting cocaine and its very evident on her face.
I summon the courage to confront jane on her change and she had alot to say.
She said:

"Fuck you and everything you stand for Dave"
"I know im fucked up, but im not as fucked up as you"
"Your the one to blame for me being this way cus made promises to me back in our dowen days"
"You said you'll fight fight off the temptations when the world tried to take me away,  promised to be the pleasure to my pain and my umbrella in the rain. Motherfucker you said you'll have my back all day everyday..."
"I was so insane for believing all those things you kept saying but you should be  ashamed that you even fucked with me that way... cus you were 6 years my senior so you got me when my brain was still in the development phase"
"What you did to me is so unforgivable but at the time it was inconceivable that you'll leave me chopped and screwed in a world i hardly understood, with men whose intentions i never knew"
i still had a lot to learn from you but you were like the teacher who skipped school which left me with unanswered questions that made me fail life's test cus i was unable to learn  certain invaluable truths...

This was until i found the answers at the bottom of a bottle
So now i swim to the bottom and drown my pain in booze when i think of you
Its many years later and i still have thoughts of us watching the sunset on our own terrace with an amazing view...Thats how badly i was hooked on you
At 16 i was pouring chemicals on my skin and depriving myself of good meals to ensure i looked slim and you wouldnt leave me"
"Now i hear you found someone found yourself a new bitch that'll cater to you
You might have the world fooled that you've found a beyonce type boo but i know shes just there to suck and fuck you
don't be surprised at my no more the innocent girl you once knew back in school"
Should i say im happy for you or the pray that the bitch soon buries you?
im a far cry from the girl  my mama raised but Still i pray for the lord's grace, and hope your new bitch learns about the real you
Only i know cus from day 1 i was the one you ran to when you needed to open up to someone on all the shit you were going through
i was your cave and solitude on those days you felt the world despised you...How dare you go ahead and find someone new?...
did you tell her what she was really getting herself into?"
"Does she know since your birth your dad has been missing and till this day thoughts of him still bother you
does she know your're suffering from depression and your thoughts are suicidal cus at age 7 you witnessed your brother put the knife through?
does she know your mom is still battling cancer in the hospital and your stepdad is an alcoholic who also went ahead and found someone new....
Talk about a family struggle
You cant even place judgement on him cus in reality you're just like him...the apple dosn't fall far from the step tree
you both have a way of leaving the people you made bond and promises to and for that i fucking despise you
I pray for your mom everyday and hope that one day you're put you in her place so you can feel the pain of being abandoned and betrayed"
"I remember when your your sister came home with a belly and didnt know the owners name. so at the age of 19 you were playing father to a toddler
You told me when you saw him all you could think of was murder...
..evidence of the tendencies of a selfish motherfucker
paying heavy fees and getting receipts i always wondered how you could afford all that shit.
That's was when you opened up to me on the things you had to do on the streets to make ends meet
 For the sake of your sweet mother, I'll keep all these things to me
if only she and the world knew these things, you'll be sure to end up lonely and miserable just like me....
Well  not like me cus i've found my peace in hennessy and JD "
"I sometimes wonder if these addictions  will be the end of me...i wonder if i'll live past 33 and have have my own kids
The thought is scary but im too busy living for now to worry about it...
i'll keep downing my vodka... just call me a free spirit
I still have a ton of shit to say  but i gotta make it quick cus i got a nigga coming through any minute
He tells me my pussy the tightest but i know hes just like you and his words don't mean shit to me
i know how many other dicks this pussy has seen and the various positions i've been in
I know the many faces i've seen on top of me and various locations ive fucked men in
I remember that guy that had me fuck him quickly n his civic. That was not my first experience with a quickie...
I know with these thoughts and experiences i shouldn't be expecting a wedding ring but fuck it i dont care and i know im not even ready
I've been losing a lot of weight lately but no need to call a doctor cus i know Im clean and i don't need his approval to do anything
I know i'll live till infinity and realize my dreams, and you wont be in it.
Allow me to vent these feeling cus its been 10 years in the making and i cant keep keeping it"
"Heres that locket you gave me in js3. It still has the picture we took together in it ... I placed much value on it and now Look at it all rusty. i shoulda burnt it but it dawned on me that this represents a metaphor for you"
Like this chain ...bright and shinny on the outside...i guess its all about the packaging right?
Give it some time and you see its true corroded colors...the one you try so hard to hide under the fascad of having everything all figured
Your colors are rusty and the world will soon know. When that happens there'll be nowhere to go and you'll remember me and the bridge that you burned.
I want you to remember this conversation" done! 

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